a botany lesson

I have this plant in my dining room. And while it was once a quite lovely, healthy and growing plant. Despite my best efforts otherwise over the past 6+ months, it's deteriorated to a dull, lifeless, rotting plant-like thing.

And yet I haven't thrown it out yet.

I know I need to. I know it's not miraculously coming back to life. I know it's just going to start smelling or attracting bugs or who knows what.

But I just haven't done it.

Maybe it's because I know it's going to leave a mess of dirt and leaves all over the floor when I un-pot it. Or maybe it's because I know it's going to take a litle effort to trek it downstairs to the dumpster. Or maybe it's that I don't want to admit I couldn't keep it alive. Admit I failed and just give up. Or maybe it's just that Id on't know what to put in it's place. I mean, this plant cleary isn't the best thing for my dining room corner. But if not it, then what?

What you need to know about me is this: I don't like to give up. On silly three-days-from completelly-dead plants in my dining room. On chasing my dreams. On goals. On people. It's just not in my DNA to quit.

But that's just it. I have to realize that sometimes I just need to for my own good. I have to give up.

I'll find something different to fill the space that plant used to be. Something healthier. Something growing. Something longer lasting. But in the meantime, I've just got to let go and be a-okay with a clean, open, empty space.

All that from a plant.