Sunday, January 9, 2011

will you accept this rose?

The Bachelor is back for what seems like the 96th season (don't misinterpret me; I'm definitely not complaining). Brad Womack, the Bachelor who three years ago in the most. dramatic. rose ceremony. ever. chose neither Jenny or DeAnna, but instead walked away alone, is back in the Bachelor saddle again. Merry belated Christmas to me from my friends at ABC!

After watching last Monday's first episode I've come to a pretty solid conclusion why I never got a call back from ABC... I'm way too
normal for this show. I mean you've got Madison, the vampire. Raichel, the manscaper. Shawntel, the funeral director. Keltie, the Radio City Rockette. And who could forget Emily, the drop dead gorgeous platinum blonde who's high-school sweetheart and former fiance died in a tragic plane crash just before their wedding. Only to find out just a week later that she was pregnant with his child! It's like a line straight out of All My Children. And to top it off, she's a southern belle and as sweet as pie.

I, with my advertising job in Chicago and a totally normal/alive family and friends, didn't even stand a chance to get into this cast of love-struck characters vying for the final rose.

I guess I should have known when I was filling out the 18 page (no exaggeration here) application form that I wasn't right for this. When I couldn't keep a straight face while answering "Why do you think you haven't found true love?" and "Do you think you can find true love on The Bachelor?". When I sarcastically answered that I was saving children from a burning apartment when the person filming me at the in-person interview asked how I broke my ankle.

I'm just not what ABC is looking for.

Because, when it comes down to it, as much as I love the show, I just don't believe it's good for anything other than pure entertainment and a couple exotic dates. I just don't. And unless ABC is going to bring back Jesse Palmer, the most dreamy Bachelor in the history of the show, I just don't believe I'd ever fall into love on this mess of a show.

Because I don't find it particularly tragic that Brad didn't pick either girl last time he was on the show. In fact, I liked him more for that. I liked that instead of proposing (proposing!) to someone he had only known for a couple weeks within the context of this make-believe, non-realistic, reality show bubble, he took a deep breath and realized he didn't like either of them enough to move forward.

I'm clearly alone here. If you watched Monday's premiere you can see that ABC has brainwashed us all, including Brad, into thinking this was the cardinal sin. Meeting and dating 25 beautiful women and then not liking any of them enough to propose? There must be something wrong with this guy. So much so that Brad's apparently been in therapy over the past three years trying to figure out why in the world he didn't find true love (gasp!) on The Bachelor. So much so that they just had to bring back his jilted lovers so they could comment on his commitment issues and whether or not they believe he'll be able to actually find true love this time through. (Note: both DeAnna and Jenny are happily engaged. Get over it, ABC!)

Give the guy a break. This happens every day in real life. You meet great people. You may go on a date or two with some of them. And, inevitably, most of those don't work out because you just don't like them enough. But that's where the Bachelor gets you. It tries to make you believe that maybe just maybe with a little romance (and a lot of eligible choices) true love is inevitable. Even if history would tend to put that notion in it's place. And so we watch with earnest interest. For true love to blossom? Perhaps, if you're a sap. But more so because it makes us feel better about our crazy dating lives.

I mean, I may be a single, total-wreck-when-it-comes-to-dating headcase most of the time... But at least I don't have fangs. (Yep, that one's for you Madison.)

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