a bugs life

I pinky-promise that this is the last post that will have anything to do with my new apartment. Because a) I want you to have believe that I may indeed have a life outside of moving, organizing and my new apartment and b) let's face it, in about 2 weeks we'll be a month into our lease and I don't even think it can be classified as "new" anymore after that. But for today, humor me by allowing me to tell one more story, deal? Deal.

So there's two things I may or may not have mentioned about the new place: 1) It has this great exposed brick wall that runs from the living room into my bedroom and 2) it's an "English garden unit". (Note: this is apparently the term for a garden unit that isn't actually underground, but I'm convinced it's just the fancy pants Realtor way of saying bottom level.) Both of these things are quite all right with me. The former adds a ton of charm and character and the latter made it a whole lot easier to get my over-sized couch actually in our living room vs. left in our backyard. However ..... I'm starting to think that the combination of these two things makes for some unwelcome visitors of the creepy crawler kind. Now, don't get me wrong. I can handle a spider here or there. And I have no problem swatting at the occasional bug. But when I encounter two (two!) in one morning, even I, the aforementioned almighty bug-slayer have had enough!

The first encounter happen while I was in the shower this morning, minding my own business. As I squirted a healthy amount of body wash on my loofah and got ready to suds up, I noticed a peeping Tom, in the form of a little centipede-like creature, staring up at me from the loofah-top. Excuse me, buddy! Please keep your eyes to yourself! After throwing the loofah to the ground I stomped on it and thoroughly drenched it with the faucet. Score? Me:1 Bugs: 0.

But then as I walked back into my bedroom, I saw a grand-daddy centipede like this:

crawling around on my white bed sheets right where my head had been not 15 minutes earlier! This I am not okay with at all. So I grabbed my nearest flip-flop and went into full on attack mode, chasing this pesky guy around the head of my bed. When I finally had a decent angle, I took a home-run worthy crack at him and sighed with relief... Only to lift up the flip-flop and find a couple crippled legs where a full bug body should have been. What!? I pulled out the bed. Searched the sheets. Torn the space apart. And still I could not find the rightful owner of those disguarded legs. Now, coming from someone who spent the entire summer with only half of her legs available, I know it's not ideal. But if I could figure out how to get around quickly on one leg, I have no doubt that this guy certainly can manage on the ten he has left! Score? Me: 1 Bugs: 1. Ugh.

And now all I can think about is this still-living centipede making himself comfortable in my sheets. I'm having visions of waking up to him just hanging out on my nose. To him crawling over my legs in the middle of the night. Ewwww. Major heebie jeebies.

So I guess this is as good a reason as any to take a couple shots at the bar after flag football tonight so that I come home and carelessly pass out instead of flinching every 7 seconds as I try to fall asleep because I think I feel something crawling on me.

Wish me luck.

p.s. I've decided that while I'd like to keep my title as the almighty bug-slayer against all things crawling or flying around the house, I would be more than happy to never encounter another centipede (and their scurrying little legs) again. Ever. But don't worry, in an attempt to calm my fears, good ol' Wikipedia let me know that they are "non-aggressive, and are generally considered harmless to humans. In fact, in Japan they are considered a useful species, as they prey on a number of disease-carrying and destructive insects." As if this makes me feel remotely better about them!? I don't care how harmless they are to humans, I do not want them snuggling with me in bed. No sirree Bob.